I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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