Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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