Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
