When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
