I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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