I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize