We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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