I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
