if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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