I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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