I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
