I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
