I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
