Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
