Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
