Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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