What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
