Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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