I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my poor anus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
