I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
