my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize