Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We need to get me chipped asap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
