Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
