They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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