Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
