i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
