Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize