his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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