You just made me feel so damn special
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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