where am i from again
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
