I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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