i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
