If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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