i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
