I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
