maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I sprained my soul last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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