Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
