I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
