So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
