im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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