i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
