Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
