I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
