i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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