I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
