she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
