i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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