My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize