I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
