we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
