i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
