i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
