You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
