Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
