just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
