according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize