Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
