I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize