I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
