You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know, be my cock's hype man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize