Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
