you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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