Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
