I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
