Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
