whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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