So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I believe in your delicious
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
