I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
