Three words: puerto rican gang bang
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
