I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
