I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
