he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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