okay pat passed out under dana's car
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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