that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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