He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
