We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
